Say What? Overheard on the Plane...


    ORD watcher
    Say What? Overheard on the Plane...

    Submitted by Diane L – Dallas (DFW) to Houston (IAH) Flight

    Flight Attendant: Sandwiches, candy, and snacks are now available. Buy one, get the second for the same price!.

    Submitted by Kevin One Liners Courtesy of OHNY – LaGuardia (LGA) and JFK

    Flight Attendant (LGA): Well, everybody, sorry for that delay, the plane was late coming in from California. On the other hand, I have some good news: I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance.

    Flight Attendant (JFK): Thank you for listening to the safety announcement for this service to Buenos Aires… Go to sleep. Go to sleep. You don’t want any beverages. Close your eyes and sleep…

    Flight Attendant (LGA): Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, if I could have your attention I would very much appreciate it. My parents paid thousands of dollars to put me through college for a theater arts and communications degree, and since this is the only time the airline ever puts a microphone in my hand, I’m sure they would really appreciate it, too.

    Pilot (LGA on the crowded runway): Welcome to the parking lot known as LaGuardia Airport.

    TSA Official (LGA): Okay, people, have your boarding passes out! If you don’t have your boarding passes out, I’m sending you to Amtrak!

    Passport Agent (JFK): Everyone with a US passport, up against that wall, line-up!
    Arriving Passenger – Wow, have things changed that much?

    ---------- Добавлено в 09:05 ----------
    Say What? Overheard on the Plane...

    Submitted by Hank W – United Flight San Francisco (SFO) to Denver (DEN)

    Child sees uniformed man walking down aisle to bathroom.
    Child Passenger: Who is that?
    Mother: That’s the pilot.
    Child Passenger: Oh. (Silence.). OH MY GOD! WHO’S FLYING THE PLANE??

    Submitted by Eric D – United Flight to Boston (BOS) several years ago
    Flight Attendant (upon landing): Thank you for choosing United. We know you have a choice in various bankrupt airlines, so we appreciate your choice in flying with us today. Have a nice day.

    Submitted by Kevin One Liners Courtesy of OHNY – LaGuardia (LGA) and JFK
    Pilot (LGA): In just a few minutes our flight attendants will be starting beverage and snack service, including Coca Cola products and five snack options. Please listen carefully, as FAA regulations strictly prohibit our flight attendants from repeating these options.

    United Gate Agent (LGA): Okay, ladies and gentlemen, we’re going to use the last-one-on-is-a-rotten-egg method of boarding here.

    Flight Attendant (JFK): Please turn off your cell phones, iPhones, iPods, laptops… Basically, anything that is bringing you joy right now, just turn it off.

    Pilot (LGA) as the seatbelt sign goes off: All rise.